Living with a Brain Injury: Resilience & Real Talk with Charissa Halonen

Brad Minus: Welcome back to another episode of Life-Changing Challenges. I am super pumped everybody because I have Charissa Halonen on the line with us, and she's the co-founder of The Relentless Couple. She's got a story that's gonna inspire you that a lot of people go through this, but they end up quitting or they end up letting it get the best of them.

That's as much of a clue as I'm gonna give you. So let's talk to Charissa. Hey Charissa. How you doing today? 

Charissa Halonen: Hey Brad. I'm doing fantastic. Thanks for having me. 

Brad Minus: Oh, the pleasure is all mine. By the way, everybody, you see that smile that she's got on? That's kind of intoxicating, isn't it? Yeah, I think so too. So anyway, Charissa,

can you tell me a little bit about, you know, your childhood, how you grew up , where did you grow up? What was the compliment your family and what was it like to be Charissa as a kid? 

Charissa Halonen: Yeah, absolutely. I grew up in a small town, northern Alberta called Wembley. Just outside of Grand Prairie would be the closest big city that people might know.

I'm a middle kid. I have two sisters, an older, a younger, my mom was a stay at home mom, and my dad was an oil field worker. So for the most part it was pretty stable household. There was definitely a little bit of challenges growing up. My mom came from, abusive background, so there was a little bit of that that came down to us as kids, but you know, as we do development, we can see our parents in a different light and see how they did their best.

My dad really enjoyed working, so he was often gone working. It was really the four of us girls kind of. Holding down the fort and carrying on. I was a really good student. I loved school. You'd always find my nose in a book. It was one of my favorite places to be outside of being outside and adventuring and playing sports, and I grew up as a competitive dancer.

I started dancing ballet when I was five, and I didn't stop until I was about 20. We were busy. My mom's idea was to keep us out of trouble. We grew up in a small town and it was easy to get into trouble. She always wanted us to be doing things to kind of keep us from getting into too much mischief.

And I was a little entrepreneur from a young age. When I was 11, I started babysitting. I would program gas flow calculators for my dad. At the same time as babysitting when the kids were napping. So I was doubling down on my money and when I was old enough to drive, I was off with working at, a booster juice or the travel agent around town, just finding other ways to save up money to go to school and, get myself out of the house a little bit.

Brad Minus: Wow, that's amazing. I thought it was pretty cool. Just so you know, I danced too, from sophomore year of high school through college and then did some. Community theater and stuff where I kept dancing, so I'm with you.

Yeah. Started with ballet just like everybody else. That's cool. I grew up in a small town too. And my parents wanted me to always be doing something, so we got some connection there.

And that's good. And that sounds like your parents were, great parents. Can you tell me a little bit about, just real quick, what does it mean to work in the oil fields? Okay. Like I've heard oil pumps. Oil rigs. Never heard of really oil fields. 

Charissa Halonen: So that might be lingo that we have up here.

'cause it's like where I grew up is very oil dominant, so it'd be similar to like the Texas of Canada. So my dad worked in, he was an operator and an instrumentation technician, so he had a trade in the field of oil. Right. So I think that might just be our general lingo. Okay. Yeah. So same as the oil industry that you would be familiar with.

It's the same thing, just a particular, trade in it. There's lots of trades up where we are from. 

Brad Minus: Very cool. And he, and he had you doing flow rates. That's awesome. Yeah. He got, you pulled you in at a young age, and he didn't have to get dirty. No, that's good. So you said that you were, saving up for school.

Yeah. So, so I'm assuming after high school, do you end up going to college or university, I guess you call it in, in Canada? 

Charissa Halonen: Well, I, I did both so I saved up 'cause I knew that my parents would pay for a portion of my education, but a portion was always gonna be on me to, have money for it. And I first started out in wanting to do psychology, so I did a year and a half of psychology and then decided it wasn't really my calling.

I love people puzzles, but I was really more drawn to massage. And so I went into the field of massage therapy. And I just came alive. So I did the training for that in a compressed program. I did it in 18 months instead of two years, and we did it straight through. Like we had a week every couple months where we head off, but otherwise it was like 18 months straight through and then straight into clinical practice right after that.

Awesome. 

Brad Minus: Loved it. So in your, did you end up having to do some sort of like intern where you had to be with another massage therapist? 

Charissa Halonen: No, we did that during school. So when we graduated from that 18 month program, you were fully licensed, fully qualified, and ready to go into general practice

Brad Minus: okay? They don't do that here. That's cool. They kind of do this thing where you've gotta get, after you're done with the massage school training, then you've gotta like do some hours alongside another licensed massage therapist. So you had a clinical, you had clinical practice within your, with, within your schooling, right?

Yeah. Within the courses. And here, yeah. 

Charissa Halonen: We graduate by an hour base here like you guys do in the states too, but your, required hours during school is quite a lot less. Mine was 2,200 hours that we graduate with, and the whole point is having us supervised during our clinical so that they can make sure that we're actually safe to be in the field.

As a qualified professional while like at the end of graduation. 

Brad Minus: I like that. I like that better. But yeah, here it seems to be, I mean, it might have changed. I haven't been around that school area for a while, but it seems to be they've got a certain amount that they've gotta get for clinical and they wanna like shove all that knowledge in your head.

Yes. So then you do your 2200 hours with another massage therapy and therapist like overseeing you. So you get real world. And it's nonstop. So it's like, you're not stopping to go to school, then go back, then go to school, then go back. But I think it's literally just a learning, methodology, you know, the differences between, between Canada and and the United States.

So that's amazing. So, you said that you kept, so you kept dancing till you were 20? 

Charissa Halonen: Yeah. 

Brad Minus: Yeah. I was on the university dance company. We had a dance team, but that was all girls. We had a dance company and that was kind of cool.

It was one of three guys. It was pretty neat. Especially as a college kid. So you kept dancing. That's fantastic. What other sports were you into? You kind of mentioned that you just glossed over that you were into other sports.

Charissa Halonen: So I did, I love track and field mostly long jump, high jump, triple jump. 'cause I am five foot nine pretty much all legs. So all of that was second nature to me. I played volleyball. I got on the high school volleyball team, but then there was too much travel that competed with my dancing 'cause I was dancing 35 hours a week in high school.

And so I didn't stay on the high school volleyball team. I loved it though. But we played baseball. We grew up as tomboy. Even though we were three girls, we were always out getting dirty, playing sports, you know, we were mostly outside more than anything. So just to this day, I'll still go out, play basketball with my stepsons and baseball and whatever we can get up to, essentially.

Brad Minus: Love it. Yes. And I am a track and field coach, along as I'm being an endurance coach. So, I praise you for that. And I'm very happy. That makes me smile when someone said they did track and field when they were in high school. So I'm really excited about that. So left college, became a licensed massage therapist.

Did you hang your own shingle right away? Did you get hired by somebody? How did that work? 

Charissa Halonen: So you. Yeah, so being a massage therapist, we're essentially contractors, so I contracted to a chiropractic company and I stayed with them for three and a half years, or sorry, three years before I decided I was just, you know, I had gone on a continuing education trip to Greece to get more hours for my license, and then on that trip there I'm like, I'm moving overseas.

My dad was working in Africa, in the oil field at that point. So I was exposed to world travel just from his stories of coming back and what he had seen. And so when I went on my own trip, I'm like, there was something in me that this is gonna happen.

So when I came back, I started looking into, the teacher that I taught me was teaching in London. So I'm like, Hey, I could go live in Scotland. They speak English, should be pretty good. And I looked into licensing and they only needed 120 hours. To get a license. So I applied for my license there, went through the process of recognition and I decided I was moving to Scotland.

I had no job, no place to live, and I did not know a soul, but I had a massage license. So I'm like, I know I can make it work one way or another, and if I don't like it, I'll come home. 

Brad Minus: Well, that sounds great, Lassie. Yeah. Big fan of Outlander. You know, I'm James Frazier, he's my hero.

So good. So anyway. You know of it 

Charissa Halonen: I know James McElroy a little bit better, but 

Brad Minus: yeah. Absolutely. Okay. Well, James Frazier is actually a character instead of Outlander, but go check it out. You'll like it. Especially since it's. Like a big portion of it is done in Scotland and in, in a different time period.

So it's pretty cool. Alright, sweet. So you're in Scotland and, are they like hairier over there? 

Charissa Halonen: Not bad. 

Brad Minus: Okay. 

Charissa Halonen: I ran into more hairy people working in Calgary than I did in Scotland. 

Brad Minus: Okay. That's good to know. Alright, so you were there. How long were you in Scotland? 

Charissa Halonen: I was in Scotland for a year and a half before I then went over to Australia.

'cause I got a job opportunity three weeks after I landed in Scotland. What? Yeah, I didn't know anybody. So I had gone out for a walk, which is what I would do usually on Fridays 'cause I had to go try and meet people and I was quite shy at that point in life. And I was walking down from the high street to the grass market.

There is a pub at the corner, of course, at Scotland and there was a group of gentlemen that were standing outside, probably early twenties, and they were yelling at me across the road and I'm like, why would I hang out with you guys? You scream at girls across the road and then a little voice in my head is like, but you have no friends and these people are talking to you.

So I decided to join this random misfit group of boys who actually ended up by being an expat Aussie rules football team that we're playing the local team. So they befriended me for the evening, and then when the pubs closed at five in the morning, I went home and then they went off on their way and we said we'd meet up later the next day.

And they introduced me to the local team there and I asked them, do you guys have a massage therapist or do you have a first aider? Being massage, you have to be qualified in first aid as well. And they're like, no. They're like, but we can't pay you. I'm like, I don't care. I just need friends.

So then that created an opportunity with one of the guys' dads came over from Australia, watched how I interacted with the team, my skills as a first aider massage, and offered me a job in Australia and I took it. 

Brad Minus: Incredible. 

Charissa Halonen: I took it a year and a half later, I called him. I'm like, ah, is this still an offer or was it just a short period of time?

He is like, absolutely, you can come on over. 

Brad Minus: That's amazing. See, you know what, this is a big thing about, what I've always said to people is like, you can't, you'll never get anything unless you ask. Right? Yeah. You find yourself in a situation, you call up on those, those people that you've talked to before, contact them because you never know what you're gonna get, and you're never gonna get anything unless you, unless you got the.

The courage to ask. Yeah, I've gotten just for the fact that, just for the fact that I just had the audacity to ask for stuff, and it's led me in, in good direction. So 

Charissa Halonen: there's so much power in the follow up because at least even if you're following up and they say, you know what, that opportunity has passed, they're like, actually, you would be really good for this one. Right? But again, if you don't ask, you'll still always get no. 

Brad Minus: Yep. And you're, you're absolutely right. So I'm, that's a great lesson and for halfway through, it's a good place.

So what'd you think of Australia? 

Charissa Halonen: It was fantastic. It was a little bit hot at times that I am not quite used to 42 degrees above, which I have no idea what is in Fahrenheit. It's hot, but it was quite an interesting experience 'cause this team had never had an all female support staff.

So first we had to correct them. They're like, we're like your sisters, so just treat us accordingly. And then there was some incredible things that I got to use my full knowledge as a massage therapist. 'cause we had somebody who fractured their face and we had to navigate that. We had somebody who had a ruptured bowel and you know, if I hadn't trusted my instincts, he would be dead today.

But I fought the coach and I fought the physio and I'm like, this person needs to go to the hospital. These signs are classic. Something is very wrong on the inside and he's gotta go right now. And so just like standing in that authority of like, no, all things are pointing to this is bad. And like now he's a prominent developer in the Brisbane area, but he would've died at 24 if I hadn't been like, this needs to change.

Brad Minus: I get it. And it's scary in the moment. So I was an EMT for a little while. Yeah. And I was an EMT in New York City, so that was, wow. That was something else. Didn't last long. But I get it though. 'cause I remember the first couple ones and you're just like, you see something and you're like scared, but something takes over, the training takes over, and then later you process it.

Charissa Halonen: How did you feel 

Brad Minus: later that day? 

Charissa Halonen: Oh, I was really proud that I stuck to it. 'cause it's like as an EMT, you would notice he had a rigid abdomen. Right. It was hard. There was no softness to it whatsoever. And he told me, he is like, Chris, I have kidney disease. And I'm like, Kay, automatically let also Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm like, you need to go to the hospital. And I'm, still pretty calm and gentle at that point. And I was blunt. I'm like, we have to drive him because if we wait for the ambulance, it won't work. So I'm like, I need an adult that can grab him, grab his stuff and drive him to the hospital right now.

'cause his buddy's like, oh, he's fine. He'll be okay. Have a cup of cement, harden up. I'm like, grow the F up, get out of the way. You're not the person. So one of the other coaches for the younger team is like, I got him, I got him, I got his stuff, let's go. I'm like, text me when you get there. It's like as soon as they got there, like, you know, he's going for emergency surgery right now.

And so I'm like, okay, I've trusted my instincts my whole life. And that one was where it really yelled and screamed at me that this is something really wrong. I don't care if people don't like my decision or whatnot. I'm like, we're amateurs. Nobody's getting paid big money to be here. I would rather have him still alive.

Brad Minus: Yes, I agree. But, drink a cup of cement. That's interesting. I've never heard that one before. 

Charissa Halonen: It's very Australian. 

Brad Minus: I might have to use it with my kids. 

Charissa Halonen: Yep. 

Brad Minus: How long did you stay in Australia? 

Charissa Halonen: I was there for a year. I just did the one year visa and then from there I'm like, okay, I should probably come back to Canada for a little bit.

My grandmother was sick, so I figured I'd come back and be of support. I didn't really wanna come back, so I took 19 days and I traveled to five different countries on my way home to kinda lolly gig on my way back. 

Brad Minus: Yeah. 

Charissa Halonen: Yeah. 

Brad Minus: Nice. What'd you do? Did you hook up with another company right away?

Did you put out a shingle while you were home or, 

Charissa Halonen: Pretty much as soon as I came back, I, decided to stay in Grand Prairie. This time, instead of going all the way back to Calgary, I had family in Grand Prix. I could just start building from there. I contracted with, a company of his chiropractors Okay.

For, I think it was about a year before. I'm like, this is not a good fit. We're not aligned in our beliefs. And then I took the leap of faith and I just hung out my own shingle Nice. For the first time in my career, and I'm like, why didn't I do this sooner? Right? I had that little fear that I'm like, nobody will come.

But then when I told my people that I was leaving, all of 'em were like, well, we we're coming with you. Like, what does that look like? And I was like fully booked out my first week being in my own little tiny office, just enough for the massage bed, a chair, a filing cabinet. And I'm like, this is strange.

I'm not so scared anymore. I'm like, also, why did you not do this sooner? Are you crazy lady? 

Brad Minus: When I first started coaching, I said the same thing. It's always been a side gig because I never wanted to get sick of it.

Charissa Halonen: Yes. 

Brad Minus: I finally decided I was taking the leap and I'm like, all right, well, I'm gonna start coaching, running in triathlon after I had done a couple of stints at a running store. I had done a couple of stints as a zero to 5K coach, all of a sudden I opened it up and then, without thinking, I had 15 people on my roster where I barely could hang on. Now 15 people is perfect, but back then you're just starting, you don't know whether you're doing paper online, you're like all over the place.

But once I got systems in place, it was fantastic. So you ended up, how, how far or how long after that you ended up ha having a, a pretty major accident, if I remember correctly. 

Charissa Halonen: Yeah.

So I came back to Canada in 2013 and then it was November of 2014, when I was in a car accident, it was actually on my lunch break at work, I was on my way to the mall from work to go Christmas shopping. The lady blew through a stop sign so hard that she hit my car, spun me into the other lane of traffic.

I ended up facing south when I was driving north, and so it was just a big kerfuffle. I ended up by not being able to go back to work and I was mad 'cause I'm like, my patients were coming in the afternoon, so I did not like the fact that I wasn't going to be able to fulfill my responsibilities for them.

I went to the hospital to get checked out 'cause I had to shoulder check to get out of the car 'cause the frame had bent. The airbags had gone off in the middle of it and I walked away from it looking perfectly fine. My neck was sore and it was the next couple days that things started to show up a little bit differently.

I couldn't tell you my name by the end of the day, even though in my mind I could know it was Charissa, but I couldn't get the words out of my mouth. It was just like I wasn't the same demeanor I had been before the accident. I was more short fused and kind of a bit of a butthole compared to what I had been more patient, more calm, more gentle, and I kept doing the protocol.

We have a motor vehicle accident protocol in Alberta. You get 21 treatments to make sure that everything is good. And then after that, I was still having the same neurological issues, same temperament issues. The smallest thing would set me off. Like if you said, today we're gonna wear red T-shirts and then you call me in 10 minutes from then you're like, no, they're gonna be blue.

I would automatically be angry and I'm like, okay, this is not normal. Normally I'm a lot more calm, but it took. Multiple different doctor's appointments, and I ended up by getting sent to an orthopedic surgeon because I had some back pain, but I was dead set that there was something wrong in my head, and he's like, why are you not more concerned about your back?

I'm like, well, that pain is manageable. Because I wasn't taking any painkillers. I was using alternative therapies to help with it. And you know, I was in the middle of litigation for it. 'cause I'm like, this is a big personal injury. Yeah. And then the orthopedic surgeon is like, okay, well I'm gonna put you through a concussion protocol and see where you score.

But I'm very grateful he did because by the end of it he's like, you have a concussion. And at that point, that was three years after my accident. 

Brad Minus: Three years.

Charissa Halonen: Three years. It took a long time, and people telling me that I was crazy, but I'm like, something is wrong. Something is very, very wrong and I'm not the same. And so three years later I got some relief that you aren't crazy because you do have a concussion, but because it wasn't treated at the time of the accident.

The God deemed post-concussive syndrome, which means those symptoms are permanent, right? So it's like I had to learn how to navigate life with a brain injury because I look perfectly fine, but I have shortcomings because the neurology in my brain, my short-term memory isn't very good. My temperament has changed quite a lot, and just the littlest things set me off.

So I have to be able to work through that. I had to decide, am I going to be the victim and just be like, okay, I have this brain injury. I can't do anything anymore. Or you grieve the loss of the person you were and the potential you had, and you start learning who you are today. What is my capability in this version now, knowing that this can last for life I haven't reached either point of those. I'm in the middle where it's just depending on how stressful the day is, will depend on how many symptoms show up that day.

So I work really hard to be regulated in my nervous system. Not being overstimulated by things and I still learn all the time what I can't do anymore. Like I roller coasters and I not able, going out to big concerts. Not a big good thing if there's lots of strobe lights and different things like that.

So I'm still learning my limitations. Today, but I am showing curiosity towards 'em or like, oh, nope, that's a definite can't. I'm nauseous now. I'm gonna go do something to just kind of keep this level of nauseousness and not make it worse. 

Brad Minus: Okay. Well it sounds like torture to me because the one way, the one way that you're gonna get me to talk, if I was in a war zone or something and I was in the military, right?

Is figure out a way to make me nauseous. 

Charissa Halonen: Yeah. 

Brad Minus: I'm like, yeah, just make me feel like I gotta throw up and I will tell you what you want to know. 

Charissa Halonen: I will keep that in mind for you. 

Brad Minus: I went through SEER training and the whole bit, they beat you silly. The one thing they didn't do was make me nauseous.

Thank God. But no, I went through a period, I had a six week bout with something and it was like every day. And it was absolute torture. I give you praise for being able to get through it and then to know your limitations, know things that, what sets you off. You said strove lights, high stimuli, high stimuli basically is what

i'm hearing. So could you go to an amusement park, but you gotta go when it's not maybe as crowded and you can't ride the rollercoasters? 

Charissa Halonen: Well, it really depends. I do my best, like I can do pretty good with the sounds of things. It's not too crazy, but if I feel like I'm getting overstimulated either by sounds people, all of that, then I'll remove myself for a little bit.

So I'd go sit in the car. Yeah. Right. I just make sure that days leading up to an event like that have been really calm and quiet so that I have the best chance of everything going as smoothly as possible. But I now know if I do get triggered, it's like, okay, what do I need to do to calm this down? I do a lot of self-talk where it's like, okay, no, you're actually fine.

Things are good. I need to just, I tell my family like, I'm gonna go for a walk. I'll be right back. I'm just having a bit of oversensitivity, or I'm feeling a bit nauseous. Whatever it might actually be, I let them know and I stop it before I get to the point where I'm so overwhelmed I can't actually communicate about it.

Brad Minus: So. In America, they've com demonized this word, but it's the best word that I can come up with. And that is that you know your triggers. Yes. You know what they are. And if you feel like they're, they're coming up, you have got your symptoms and stuff under control, you can recognize the symptoms so you can walk away.

Charissa Halonen: Yeah. Well, and that's self 

Brad Minus: act, 

Charissa Halonen: absolutely. And there's stuff that I'm still learning, like some situations I don't realize it's gonna. Be bothersome. We took the boys to an interactive game thing that I'm like, okay, some of this stuff is good, but if there's like a flashing light. So I'm just like, okay, this one's I have to step out.

This is, I did it. I'm like, Kim, I'm a little bit nauseous. I'm gonna step out. You guys go play. And I have no problem waiting while they're having some fun. 'cause I'm like, I understand that my limitation doesn't have to mean no fun for anybody, right? It just means I'm gonna hang out for a little bit and you guys can tell me about it after, and then share the story with me.

Brad Minus: Yeah. Yeah. I get that. A parent that has a child that's not ready for those things. A parent's gotta stay to the side. I had a niece and nephew single mom.

So we had vacations together and my nephew was not a fan of stuff like that. Pull him to the side, we'd play stuff, blah, blah, blah. And then those other two would go and do their thing and come back and we'd hear the story and it was just like you were there. I get it. But it's just nice to hear that there's a self-actualization process that you have.

And I think that's, that is a methodology for a lot of different things. You know, it's a self-actualization process and not necessarily, now you have a certain situation, you have a physical limitation. I wouldn't call it a limitation. I wouldn't call it a disability. I would call it a situation, a physical situation that you, that you're dealing with and you know how to deal with it.

There's people that have either a physical situation or they know of a mental situation, that they should be self-aware of. They know that. Like a certain pet peeve, they know that really ticks them off. And if they find someone that, that happens to do that, that person might be a perfectly good person with a great heart.

But something about that pet that what they do and how they act and what they say trigger. Fears you, I hate that word. Stimulates you. 

Charissa Halonen: Yes. 

Brad Minus: To know that, hey, you know what? I like this person, good person, but that ticks me off and I need to walk away. As they get the rapport with that person, I'm to say it, listen, nothing against you, love you to death, great person,

just this one thing. It's just an internal, it's me, not you. But if you could help me. Get through it. I would appreciate it. You know, and have that ability just like you, just like you got that Australian job. 

Charissa Halonen: Yeah. 

Brad Minus: You to tell your friends, family, that one thing just.

You know, it just does something and the rest of you is great, but it just does something to me and it's not you, it's me. But if you can help me out, I'd appreciate it 

Charissa Halonen: Well, I'm also a big fan of nobody needs to change for you to succeed. So if you are being so triggered by somebody else's benign behavior, why does that trigger you so much?

Brad Minus: I agree. 

Charissa Halonen: Go, go inward, because that person shouldn't have to change unless they're being aggressively offensive. Right, right. But it's like I'm not a big fan of people chewing really loudly. Right? So I do the work, 'cause I have two boys and a husband. Everybody chews pretty loudly. So I can't just be like, well you have to chew quietly, because I have a, a version to that.

I work on it. I'm like, it's simple. This is not something that should bother me. Then do that work in yourself so that we're not forcing other people to have to conform to something that's comfortable for me when it may not be comfortable for them.

If you can have that opportunity to have a conversation where it is something that is. Encouraged to be like, Hey, did you maybe know that you're doing this? 

Brad Minus: Right. 

Charissa Halonen: What I meant. Yeah. Yeah, right. But even then it's like, yeah, but I don't find a problem with it. So then the person who has the problem with it again, as long as it's not something offensive, is like, okay, it's my job to work on the fact that I don't like people chewing loudly.

Brad Minus: Yeah. And I would say the same thing. I would say the same thing to your boys. You know what I mean? I mean, it would be me, not you, but, you know, Hey, listen, you guys chew really loudly and I have a smaller version to it. I'm working on it.

You can help me. 

Charissa Halonen: Yep. I've done that with them, but I'm sure you have. I don't immediately get mad if they're chewing loudly. Right, right. I usually present it as, I'm like, I'm not sure if you're aware of this and is, I'm not sure if this is how you wanna present yourself. And they're just like, I didn't know I was doing that.

Brad Minus: And it's another thing that I always talk about too, and that's in my favorite sayings and I don't know who said it or I might have said it myself, and I just don't remember. Offenses in the eye of the offended. Yes. Right. If, and, and that goes exactly to what you were saying, right?

If you're offended or averse or triggered by something, even in the smallest amount, you know, people chew loudly, you know? It bugs you, right? It's a small bug. It's a small thing. You can get past it. It's not a big deal, but it does bother you. Why does it bother you?

Exactly. Yes. I feel like, people get offended by words and I'm like, they're words. What is there to be offended about? If certain words offend you, you need to look in the mirror and go, why does that offend me? 

Charissa Halonen: Yes. 

Brad Minus: What is it about me that takes offense to that, and why can't I let it go?

Charissa Halonen: Exactly. 

Brad Minus: Right. And unfortunately, for us, it we're in the minority and if we weren't, there'd be no such thing as social media. Correct. So what, what do you do today? What's your day like now that you have come to this point where you've got these things that you need to work on?

You know, you need to work on it. You know, you need to be in a certain mindset. What does your day look like? 

Charissa Halonen: So I get up crazy early. Me too. I get up at three in the morning, not that early. And yeah, I get up early. I have some breakfast, and then I go out to the gym. We're organic farmers.

My husband works in the oil field as well, coaching and raising two boys. So I go out to the gym and that helps me get Charissa ready for the day. Then usually my husband's out there joining me, and then after that we have an hour between five and six where we sit and have coffee, we connect with each other, and we work on our marriage because we pour into it every day.

It requires that time and just whatever we might need. Sometimes it's just sitting in silence for a little bit. Sometimes it's talking about, hopes, dreams, or planning what's gonna go on with the boys. And then at six, like school's finished today, but usually at six o'clock the boys get up and now we're ready to be parents for them.

So then we help get them ready to go. We're getting them breakfast, they're getting their stuff organized for school. And then once they go off to school and Tyler goes off to work, usually come out to the office and do some writing, make some content, check in with clients. Spend most of my day like that until the boys come home and ty us home from work and then we hang out together as a family helping and supporting where the boys need with homework or just life advice.

They're teenagers now. One's 12, one's 15. So every day is a bit different. We never know what we're gonna find 'cause they're just at different stages and we're working to be able to give them space to be that adolescence. Without having to be a particular way. So it's a bit of having to be on your feet and catching yourself for, you know, if I'm nagging them too much 'cause they don't remember, 'cause their brains literally forget everything right now, and then usually earlier to bed somewhere between eight 30 and nine.

And so I can get up and do it all over again. And I do that every day, even on the weekends. It's just my routine to help keep me grounded. Help navigate the day by pouring into myself first, which is not always how I used to do it, but now it's what I've found that actually is sustainable and allows me to show up better as myself, a coach, a wife, and a stepmom.

Brad Minus: That's unbelievably. Awesome and intentional. I love the intention that you talked about. You know that you get up, do your stuff, you go work out for you. It's your way of being grounded. That's an intention. Then the time that you have an hour with your husband where you said straight up.

That's where we work on our marriage and it's so intentional and I think a lot of people miss out on that by winging their day. I'm a big fan of time boxing, so basically what you've just done is time box. And I love that it doesn't always work. The time boxes are there, there's always gonna be something that jumps in.

And you've gotta choose, you know, what's more important. But the intention that you have is remarkable and it is an example for everyone. Let's step back just a real quick, where did you meet Mr. Hollen in? 

Charissa Halonen: We were introduced through a friend. He was working up in Grand Prairie.

It was shortly after his first wife had unexpectedly passed away. So when I met him, he was still in the grieving process, and so were the boys. They were, again, it was an accident. Nobody was expecting it. I was at a place where I had been through enough bad relationships that I wasn't looking for anybody.

I was happy in my peace. I had done the self work to find my part in the relationships that hadn't worked, and just really found a place to move from. I'm like, ah, I won't meet anybody. Not a big fan of oil field people. 'cause a lot of times it, they just get a bad rap. And I had dated a few that I'm like, eh, you're not really committed.

So when my friend was like, yeah, he's in the oil field, I'm like, ah, not one of those guys. And so like, okay, well give 'em a chance, but you know, my standards are here. Like I have peace. I am successful in my business. Like I, you're either adding to my peace or you're not a part of it.

So I had gotten to that place in myself that I was just very happy, very strong and had my course that what I was going forward with. And then when we started talking, we haven't stopped since. I want the boys to be able to have a say in whether or not they like having me around, because if they don't, this is not good for anybody.

It's not good for them with what they've been through with losing their mom, and it's not fair to me to be in a position to be, you know, the target of dislike because it's just not a fit. So I was very intentional with that, that I'm like, they have to be able to have a say to you outside of me, like not being there so that it's either a good fit or not.

And it actually went really well. Obviously the younger one was like, dad, I hope you get some big sick balls and ask her to be your girlfriend before somebody steals her away from you. 

Brad Minus: I like him. 

Charissa Halonen: He was eight. 

Brad Minus: I like him. 

Charissa Halonen: He's great. He is my biggest protector. Like when we go out and it's just him and I getting groceries or something.

If somebody's giving me eyes, he just looks at 'em and he's like, thumbs down. 

Brad Minus: Oh wow. That's fantastic. So where, so obviously you started and you're in this super healthy relationship, but you're. Your domain is the relentless couple.

Yeah. Where did that come about? '

Charissa Halonen: cause we've been through a lot. So we were both in good places in our personal development when we met, but because we both had backgrounds of relationships that maybe weren't the best or the most aligned, there is a lot of stuff that comes to the surface when you're in a healthy and safe relationship that you don't necessarily think about.

I was an independent woman for seven years before I met Tyler. And so I was stubborn. There's lots of things that I didn't realize I would have to relax on, or ways that I was showing up that I didn't need to because I didn't have to be that super masculine person. I had somebody that was looking out for me and that was protecting and providing for me, and I was just so used to being that independent person.

Then I'm like, no, I got it. I can do this. And so we went through a lot of growing and developing, like we were two and a half years sober. We took alcohol out of the equation because it wasn't serving. So we're relentless because no matter what we're presented with, we always lean into each other and we always remember we're coming from a place of love and it's not us against each other.

It's us against the world. And we're wanting to show people that no matter what life hands you, 'cause it will always hand you unexpected crap. Is that you can push through that. You can work through it. It's to your best advantage because we're always being given opportunities to grow through the challenges that we're faced with.

It's just remembering that being relentless means never giving up no matter what. No matter what pain is there, no matter what challenge you're being faced with, there's always a way through it. Sometimes it's harder, sometimes it's fast or slow, but it's always just leaning into the fact that that's where your growth comes from, doesn't come from being comfortable and happy and all of those things.

It comes from. A problem getting to the other side of it, finding more of your capacity because you're being tested. 

Brad Minus: No truer words have ever been said on this podcast. I tell my people, so I'm an endurance coach.

15 people on my roster, are going either doing ultra marathons, marathons, like crazy triathlons, crazy OCR stuff and whatever. I always tell them when you're in your training, it's not the easy workouts, the workouts that you complete and you complete with your metrics good and everything's great.

It's the workouts you go through where you're struggling, where you're going through suffer fest, where you can't seem to hit what you want to hit. Those are the ones that make the big differences. Yes, you do need those other workouts where everything seems to align.

But the workouts that you're struggling with, the ones that you're having problems with, those are the ones that are making the changes so that you can get to those other workouts and those races that seem super, super smooth. So you just bringing that to relationships and it's those problems that you've got that make you closer, those problems that you face together and those obstacles that you overcome together.

Charissa Halonen: Yeah, it tests your resolve, right? Like when you're, I tell this to my clients too. I'm like, even if you don't feel like training, go and do it. Because the benefit is you're keeping that consistency and that trust with yourself, and those ones count more, even if they're half-hearted, it counts way more because of what it's doing in the background, right?

I can love Tyler really easy on the easy days, but we've come up with a saying. It's like, I love you more on the hard days. Because you need that extra bit. So it's like on a hard day, it's like when it, we'll text each other. I'm like, I love you more today. Because that's where you actually need that support.

And same with your athletes. When they're at that, you know, half mile to the finish and they're in so much of a pain cave that they can't see the end, that's where you need the cheerleaders. That's where you need that support. What more can I do? One more step, one more breath, and bring it down to the micro so that you can actually prove to yourself.

I had more capability than my brain wanted me to believe, but my body wasn't ready to quit yet. Otherwise, you would've stopped moving completely. Our brain always gives up first, not our body. 

Brad Minus: Exactly. And that's another saying that I say over and over and over again, your brain will quit a hundred times before your body does.

Yeah, you gotta tell it, you know? Yeah. But yeah, absolutely a hundred percent. They're half mile, mile. And I'm like, okay. I always tell 'em. I'm like, okay, you feel that way, then look up, find the next, find the next lamppost, find the next stop sign, find the next tree. And you just get to that tree.

Then find the next one, then find the next one. Before you know it, you'll be at the finish line. Exactly. In relationships, you know, you have teenagers now. Hypothetical, right? You've got a teacher that's struggling in school, right?

It's the next piece of homework. Alright? Let's not worry about any of this stuff. Yes, you've got an issue. Let's work on it. Show me your homework. Let's get this next homework done and see if we can ace it. Then the next test, then the next big project, and finally the final, you ace the final and then you're good.

It's those little bits and then they fight you on it. 

Charissa Halonen: No, the school stuff, they don't. Right. Like having kids with complex trauma, I. We've used psychologists and counselors to help. So we actually have more conversations and there's, you know, what you might call coaching happening with them and showing them the examples and those are the challenges, right?

Like the friend stuff that happens when you're teenagers and pre-teens and you know, all of a sudden you're liking girls that used to be friends and. Those dynamics are harder. The guys, the boys are gifted in school, so we don't, you know, language arts is where they don't love it, but I'm like, you know, if you just work on improving grammar or spelling, then you know you'll get better and they're improving 'cause they're putting some effort there, but it's not really a big fight.

Once we show them, it's like. You just have to be able to basically read and basically write. You don't have to be gifted at writing a story. That's just making sure that you're putting your best effort forward, whatever that might be. Not holding 'em to, it has to be this particular grade, because that is really limiting to people.

It's like, okay, just do your best and every time work to do a little bit better than the last time. And that's all we're asking of you. It doesn't have to be grade based. We're going based on you as a human. Persisting leaning into that resistance that you have 'cause you don't like it and you're not easy at this one.

That's where the training is coming for them and being able to, 'cause I'm like, at the end of the day, K to 12 doesn't make a big difference in the grand scheme of life. But who you develop in those times makes a big difference in your life. And if you don't learn to apply yourself and push into challenge there, you get more challeng as an adult because the challenge is never stop.

Brad Minus: A hundred percent. I'm a hundred percent agreement. That is fantastic advice. And it's, you know, it's one for the ages so I really appreciate all, the fricking wisdom bombs that you've dropped on us today, Charissa, from your accident and how to get through that to, being relentless and being intentional, showing how to get through certain obstacles.

It is by far some of the biggest values that we've had on a podcast in a while, and I really appreciate it. For those of you that would love to get in touch with Charissa and maybe Tyler, the relentless couple, do w site.com. I will drop that in the show notes, so you'll have that.

She does coaching, mindset training and nutrition coaching, elite life and mindset coaching. She also does, fitness training and nutrition as well, right? 

Charissa Halonen: So in our program, we combine nutrition, movement, and mindset. If you fuel your body with healthy food, it helps transform your body.

It allows you to feel different and better in your life because you aren't fighting yourself. It's all combined into the program as foundational blocks. We lead by example. I eat macro based. I move, I do resistance training, and the movement component is unique to the person.

If they just wanna walk, we give them a step count. If they wanna do a little bit of training or hybrid training, then we design it basically based on what your needs are with a little bit of a challenge in there. Can't be too easy and it will not be so unattainable that you don't wanna do it. And then we have weekly group calls where we jump on and I give you 10 minutes of teaching, and then everybody shares their wins, their struggles, their questions, so that you can be a part of the community and be with people who are similar minded and transforming themselves from the inside out too.

Brad Minus: Awesome. Yeah. So her fundamentals are right on her website, mindset, nutrition, training, relationship and mindset, family and mindset, the habits. She's got it all right there on the website. You gotta take a look. And it's so interesting when you look at some, there's a couple of different pages.

She's got this really cool picture and, she's like looking at her husband and they're in a mirror and her husband's got this really full beard in me. Looks like a fricking lumberjack. Then you go to the other page and it has Tyler Holland and the coach, and he's this really skinny guy. He's got some tattoos, just kind of a five o'clock shadow and he looks like super wholesome.

So, these two are very successful people and you should definitely take a look at the relentless couple. And maybe get involved in their coaching programs. Are you in, are you on social media by chance? Yeah, 

Charissa Halonen: we're most active on Instagram at the relentless couple.

It's the same username we have for TikTok and YouTube as well. Instagram is our main page and if you send us a message on the dms, it's me or Tyler that you're talking to, not a bot. 

Brad Minus: Awesome. And that will be, all of those will be on the, on the show notes as well. So you have to take a look at those.

So God really, really excited to talk to you, Charissa. I'm gonna talk to you, I'll talk to you offline about that. So yes, thank you. Thank you so much for being here. Listen, all of you that are listening or watching, if you are watching on YouTube, please go ahead and hit that subscribe button, hit the like button and hit that notification bell so you always know when we're dropping a new episode.

If you are listening on Apple or Spotify or any of those podcast directories, go ahead and drop us a review. And you know that I don't care if it's a good review because any feedback I get just helps me evolve the podcast and so I can make it better, stronger, and more driven towards you, so I can help more and more people all the time.

So Charissa, again, thank you so much. Really appreciate it and, I wish you all the success in the world and congratulations on the success you've had so far. 

Charissa Halonen: Thank you so much. It's been such a pleasure to share this time with you and to learn all of your story too. So I wish you all the success with your athletes and I'm rooting for them.

I've done one marathon, so I know what it takes. Yes. And. Yeah, it is. It is an inner challenge to say the least. 

Brad Minus: Absolutely, thank you very much. So for Charissa and myself, thank you so much for listening, watching wherever you are, and we will see you in the next one.